Rolemaster for One

Been doing a lot of thinking lately concerning my recent lack of gaming. Everyone has their own life outside of gaming. For me though gaming has always seem tied to my life. Perhaps I can’t ever back away cleanly from it, but it seems that my friends can. Going for months or years without gaming is nothing to them because it’s just a game, or a hobby or something to do every once in a while that’s fun. But that’s not me.

Gaming got in to my blood in 1983. And it stayed there. I have a passion for it and I like gaming a lot. Some of my friends can tell you that frequently I liked it too much. It’s caused problems. Especially when I’m more involved in it then my own family. That’s when you know you have a problem. But I’ve dealt with that – hopefully anyway. My family comes first of course, but within the time I allot for this I do want to game. Hasn’t happened in about two months. Sure, I’ve had some issues and problems on those nights and even a few nights where I just wasn’t there. But I’ve been there more often than I haven’t. It just hasn’t seemed to work out. Nothing’s happening and I haven’t heard from at least one of my friends.

So, you know that makes you questions things about yourself. Yeah. I’m pushy. I figured that one out. I tend to push what I want to do on others. It’s cost me in the past and I’ve realized lately I’ve been doing it in other ways. So, I’m trying to stop on that. But the other thing I realized today is about the past…

All of the good times, the crazy times, the glory and the heartbreak are in the past. I relive those memories and part of why I game is because I want to recreate them. But if no one games with you, you kind of internalize that and roll it over and over in your mind trying to get a cheap high off of past experiences. Today I’ve decided to stop that. It’s time to move on. I’ve considered that by trying to live in the past I am missing the future. My past is being written right now in the present, but years from now I’ll look back at that and realize I wasn’t there! So, I guess it’s ok to visit the past occaisonally, have a rememberence of the past, but you can’t live there. The past has already been done. It’s filled, set in stone. You can’t live there because there’s no room for you. Visiting again, is fine, but you can’t stay there.

So, like I said time to move on a make new memories. Maybe if I participate in my future I won’t miss out on the fun. Anyway, part of that is recognizing that perhaps the only way I may play is with other systems. Sure, I’ve done this in the past and I’ll do it now, just because I want to game. But I do want to make clear…despite everything, I love Rolemaster. It’s the system I like best. I’m willing to try other systems (even other versions of RM), but I always come back to RM2E. I’ve heard it called a dead system. I don’t believe that. But even if it is, there will always be at least one player. Me. If I have to leave the light on for myself, be my own army and create my own entertainment from it I will. But I won’t ever put my RM books away.

I can adapt and live in the present. But in my visits to the past, RM rules!